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To Do, Or Not To Do?

For more than ten years, this blog has been a place of introspection and thought. (Probably some randomness too.) But when I posted recently about wanting to get officially diagnosed with ADHD, it made me realize: if I’ve been feeling alone all these years, and have been struggling my whole life, would it be possible that some of my readers could be too? I mean, I originally chose the name “Living Outside The Box” because that’s just how my brain works. I knew it even back then.

I wouldn’t be called an “expert” on ADHD, unless you consider the fact that I’ve lived with it and developed coping mechanisms for it for the last 40+ years. I see ADHD “coaches” on Youtube, which is awesome, and I think about how much I’ve already learned on my own. Most of these coaches aren’t doctors and don’t have degrees in psychology- they’re just really experienced in dealing with it. I’ve learned to live with ADHD without even realizing it. Maybe some of those skills and observations could help someone else!

The first problem that comes to my mind is: How do I reach people with this? Obviously, just blogging here isn’t doing much for exposure (I get almost no traffic). But what else can I do?Maybe Youtube? LBRY.tv? Vimeo? GabTV? Bitchute? Continue reading “To Do, Or Not To Do?”

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Spirituality and Mental Disorders

Recently, I stumbled upon the YouTube channel of Jessica McCabe called “How to ADHD.” And like a true ADHD Brain, I binge watched for hours. And then had to go back and re-watch most of them, because I got distracted.
*sigh*
In one video in particular, Jessica addresses the stigma of having to take ADHD medications. It’s a very sensitive subject, and the object of much scrutiny. I’ll be honest- I’ve avoided being diagnosed with ADHD because of the cost, and the (assumed) danger of taking medications for it. The last thing I want is to make things worse. And hey, I’ve made it this far without help, right?

But not too long ago, I had a major meltdown. My meltdowns don’t look like a child’s- I’m not throwing fits or sobbing. When I am overwhelmed, it spirals into depression, self-criticism, anger, and shame. And then I just shut down. I quit thinking, I quit talking, I quit caring. I just turn everything off and exist until I can function again. Sometimes it takes days, or even weeks, for me to be able to perform executive functions again, like making important decisions.

This obviously isn’t a good thing. Especially since, when The Overwhelm happens, it’s usually because I am being forced to make an important decision.

The biggest question I have, now that I understand this about myself, is: “How does this affect my spiritual life?”

Hooo boy. How do you even answer a question like that? And regardless of your thoughts on ADHD or spirituality, it’s something that *I* have to be able to bring into agreement. And I’m not 100% sure of some of it. Continue reading “Spirituality and Mental Disorders”

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How Do We Make Hard Decisions?

Since I’ve been looking at all-in-one guitar things, naturally, I’ve done research and considered all the options. There are units going from $200 all the way up to $3000, and everything in between. But truth be told, even the cheaper ones are still pretty good. So what am I looking for in an all-in-one guitar/bass effect unit? How do you make a choice when there’s so many good choices?

I’m basically going to walk you through the decision making process of how to buy a piece of music gear- or anything, really. This is a lesson on how to wade through choice overload. This is a critical skill for becoming a minimalist.

What do you need?

Let’s say I’m shopping for a pedalboard upgrade. The first question I need to ask is “What am I going to be using it for?” And the second question is related: “What will this allow me to do that I can’t do now?” Because if it doesn’t do more than my current one, it’s not an upgrade, is it? Continue reading “How Do We Make Hard Decisions?”

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Thoughts On Minimalist Music Gear (Again)

I was recently tuning in to a popular ambient guitarist’s livestream, and I noticed they had added a bunch of new stuff to their setup. I saw all of that, listened to the sounds coming out of it, and thought “Is that really all he’s doing with all that stuff? How much did all that cost, anyway?” And of course, I made the mistake of looking up the prices and figuring out how much money this guy had tied up into his board.

It was around six thousand dollars. For a pedalboard to make ambient music with. Six grand, just for the pedals… not including the board, wires, guitar, amps, or anything else.

This gave me pause. I haven’t even paid that much for a car in the last 10 years. And it begs the question: If I had $6K to drop on a guitar setup, how would *I* do it? Simple: I wouldn’t.

For that much money, I could get two Fractal Axe-FX 3’s. Or four Line 6 Helixes. And arguably, I could do ten times more with those than any collection of single pedals on a board.

Bottom line: is it worth the money? My opinion: No.
Continue reading “Thoughts On Minimalist Music Gear (Again)”

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Still In Love… With The World

You know what this world has to offer?

  • Self-help programs
  • Politics
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Advertising
  • “Your Best Life Now”
  • Toys (the big, expensive, adult kind)
  • Popularity
  • Sexual deviancy
  • Self-medication
  • Subjective reality
  • Victimhood

John the Disciple said:

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.” – 1 John 15-17

I don’t know about you, but I want to do the will of God. I don’t want to be in love with the Dark World, or anything it provides. I hate that my flesh likes some of those things. I don’t want to lust after popularity, or recognition, or fun toys, or whatever. But my flesh is always trying to draw me back into the world.

Why do I run a blog, or a YouTube channel? It’s because I want to be seen, to be heard, and understood. I want to share my thoughts and music with people. I want to be recognized for it! I want to be seen as someone who contributes to the benefit of those who ask hard questions, and don’t settle for easy, pat answers.

But is that really “doing the will of God?” Continue reading “Still In Love… With The World”

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Being Outmoded

No matter how much I try to keep up with the hectic pace of life, I always seem to end up feeling like I’m stuck in the past. And not in the “Things were better back in the day!” kind of way. More like the “I feel like I can’t move forward in time” kind of feeling. I want to be a creator, to make things- music, videos, machines, whatever- but I am constantly kneecapped by the fact that I’m not independently wealthy, I can’t afford nice cameras and lights and computers and toys, and more importantly… I feel frustrated that I actually want those things.

What if I made it “my thing” to be okay with getting by with old cheap stuff? I see videos by Vulfpeck done all grainy and old-school, and it makes me wonder: Could it be possible for me to make video content that’s not in 1080p, and it still be good content?

Continue reading “Being Outmoded”

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Is Everything Really Pointless?

What is the point of writing a blog if nobody reads it? What is it about written discourse that people just aren’t interested in any more? No matter how I cut it, there’s no denying that blogs aren’t drawing in traffic like they used to. But written word is still my favorite way to communicate!

So what’s the point? Why am I still posting here? It’s mostly because I just like writing. Is it pointless? I don’t think so- not completely pointless to me. By me writing things out, it helps me to think through difficult problems, scriptures, and whatever else. Couldn’t I just do that in a written journal? Well, I suppose I could.

My Shifting Influences

There’s a lot that has been going on in my life lately. My wife has been ill. We’re still dealing with the consequences of that. We’re still dealing with after effects of Coronavirus lockdowns. Our family is struggling to find stability and peace, and somehow, I have to make sense of it all.

I’ve been watching a lot of new Youtube channels. Mostly music and guitar stuff, but there’s a few I follow that speak about current events and self-improvement. Some of them are Christians, some of them aren’t. But the main idea is that I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life at this point.

“What, you don’t have your life figured out yet?”

Well, sort of. I’ve spent the last 25 years building my family, and doing challenges when I get the chance- writing a book, learning a new language, studying martial arts. That has served me well up to now. But I am moving into a place where I am thinking about the future, and I don’t have a specific course laid out for myself. I’m being pulled in many directions.

“But don’t you write about purpose all the time?”

Yes, I do. But there’s more than one way to carry out purpose. I need to spend some time thinking about the best way to do it. If I’m a worship musician at heart, what are different ways I can fulfil that? If my goal is to creatively present the gospel, what are some ways I could do that? Music? Videos? Stories?

Each one of those pursuits has its own requirements for time, money, and energy spent. In some cases they may overlap (like making music for videos). But for the most part, they don’t. So I have to decide which way to go. I clearly don’t have the time to do all of them, as much as I’d like to.

Et Tu, Brute’

So, my choices are:

  1. write books (least money, most time required)
  2. music production (medium money, medium time)
  3. minecraft theology videos (most money for new PC)

I’m sure there are other things I could add to the list, but these are what I’m currently evaluating.

A new baseline computer (just the parts) would run me around $700. Top shelf would be closer to $2000.

Music production would cost me a few hundred bucks in equipment, but easily less than $500. I already have most of what I need.

Video camera: I will probably need to get a nice camera if I go any of these routes. Everything is distributed through youtube now. Music? Needs video. Gaming? Needs video. Writers? Needs video. I don’t think I can get around this.

What’s the Point?

What I’m getting at is this: sometimes you need to evaluate not just your purpose, but also how you carry out your purpose. Not just the why, but also the how. And sometimes that means making compromises to keep moving towards the end goal.

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Am I Disqualified?

In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Paul reminds the church in Corinth:

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to take the prize. Everyone who competes in the games trains with strict discipline. They do it for a crown that is perishable, but we do it for a crown that is imperishable. Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like I am beating the air. No, I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”

In our spiritual walk, there are stages we go through. Much like when we train for a race, we have to do things in the right order and meet the requirements, or risk being disqualified.

Step 1: decide you want to enter the race (salvation)
Step 2: learn what rules require (study)
Step 3: learn who your opponents are
Step 4: Run

Can I Be Disqualified?

According to Paul, yes. Does that mean you can lose salvation? I don’t think that’s what he’s referring to. Paul says “After I have preached to others, I myself would not be disqualified.” Before this, in verses 16-23, he is talking about preaching the gospel as his primary mission. “I have become all things to all men, so that I might save some.”

So can you be disqualified from preaching the gospel? Yes. I think this is what Paul is addressing. You can contradict the gospel with your lifestyle, and thereby nullify anyone believing it.

“I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified” means he kept his fleshly lusts in control so that he would not become a hypocrite, and thus diminish the gospel being preached- his very reason for living.

Does this mean I can’t lose my salvation?

Whoah there, friend. I didn’t say that. Just because I think Paul’s addressing being disqualified from preaching the Gospel, doesn’t automatically mean you can’t lose salvation. But this question is a lot more complicated, and we might not do it justice with just a few hundred (or thousand) words.

But let’s assume, for the moment, that the act of preaching the Gospel is a crucial indicator for being saved. You wouldn’t want to be disqualified from either one, would you? That’s not to say you have to preach the gospel to be saved, or that lost people can’t preach the gospel. But the idea of being disqualified looks very similar in both cases, doesn’t it?

What then?

We run in such a way as to win the prize. Not aimlessly or lazily. It requires focus and dedication- not to secure salvation, but to solidify our walk.

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The Nine Laws: Part Eight

In this (very lengthy) discussion of Ivan Throne’s The Nine Laws, we’ve covered a lot of ground. You can read my review of the book here, and the rest of the parts are here:

Today we’re going to cover the Eighth law: Preposterousness. We’re going to examine the following applications from a context of Biblical Christianity:

Narcissism: You are the center of your universe.
Machiavellianism: There is no true reality.
Psychopathy: Absence of ego in absurdity.

Ivan’s comments are in bold italics. I respond to each one below.

Firstly, let’s define some things. “Does the world revolve around me?”

When you hear “You’re the center of your own universe!” it’s generally intended as an insult, or as an observation of someone’s self-centeredness. This is the classic definition of Narcissism: everything is about you.

But if I may, let me redirect your understanding of this, as a possible alternative.

What if when I say “I am the center of my universe,” I mean “I am the central gathering point for information that shapes my reality”?

Let me explain. If we believe (wrongly) that we’re in control of everything, then saying we’re the center of our universe means our actions shape our reality.

But if you understand that our reality is shaped by God for us to conditionally experience (and may not match what other people experience) then you realize that, yes, God has shaped and revealed our reality specifically for each of us. We cannot rely on other people’s interpretations of what we’ve experienced to explain what God’s intentions are. God does not reveal our reality to someone else for them to explain to us. That’s not how God works; that’s how cults are formed.

More aptly put: we are not the center of the universe, we are at the center of our experiences in the reality that God is revealing to us. We are responsible for our reaction to it. We are not the cause of it.

Everything is Ridiculous. Continue reading “The Nine Laws: Part Eight”

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The End Is Near

We currently live in trying times.

That’s kind of putting it mildly; we’re actually closer to Biblical End Times than anything else. The populace has been utterly wrecked through misinformation, mismanagement, evil powers, and principalities. We can’t trust anything we see or hear any more. Those who question the narrative are lambasted and labeled as conspirists.

And you know what? Nothing I do will change that. Speaking truth accomplishes nothing when no one is listening.

I have fallen short as a husband, father, and leader. I am struggling with all this insanity with the you-know-what lockdowns, and now the rioting. My workplace is inundated with propaganda and hysteria. They forced us to work from home for a time. Chastising us if we walk down the hallway to go to the bathroom we share with other employees. Constantly cranking up the pressure, despite nobody here even getting the sniffles. We’re constantly told that we’re selfish, that we’re the problem, that we don’t care about people dying, that nothing we do is ever enough. It’s exhausting.

What’s the big deal?

I’m not going to argue deaths and numbers, because frankly, even if I show proof, nobody cares.

Do you know why nobody wants to believe the truth? Because people want to be afraid and angry. The populace gravitates towards fear and control like a moth to a flame. Humans are stupid, panicy animals. If you tell them a virus is going to wipe out mankind (despite tons of evidence it won’t) they will latch on to it like a Pittbull on a toddler. If you tell them they’re victims and should be angry, they will pick up bricks and smash anything in sight, whether it has anything to do with it or not.

Fear is of the enemy. People are driven by it, controlled by it, and always live under a thinly veiled pretense that they’re not afraid. But you show an incomplete and manipulated chart on facebook, and suddenly everyone reveals their true motivation: FEAR.

“Oh my gosh!” they squeal. “We’re all going to die!”

Well, yeah, we all are, eventually, of something.

Funny how all those Darwin fanboys don’t have anything positive to say about a virus that wipes out elderly and sick people, huh? Hmm. Go figure.

So anyway, The End:

Ah, yes. The impending doom of the universe. Almost forgot about that.

The truth is, our time here as individuals is short. The idea that we can live forever, while noble, is complete and utter baloney. We’re not immortal. Our lives are fleeting. And honestly, if you’re wasting your life being fat and unproductive, you shouldn’t be surprised when your life ends prematurely. If you’re spending your time being angry about something, that ultimately won’t prevent you from dying, or even protect you from injustice.

But what should we do, then? What’s the point of anything if we’re all going to die?

Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? Why are we here? What’s our purpose?

Find Your Purpose

If your time here is limited, then you’d better know what you’re doing while you’re here. Your purpose is to glorify God in whatever you do, as the penultimate part of creation. If you’re not doing this, then you’re not fulfilling the reason you were made in the first place. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.

Just pointing out oppression or lies doesn’t glorify God by itself. Lots of humanitarian organizations do this. You need to move beyond the “I must do something!” mindset and have a “what does God want me to do?” mindset. And you can’t just assume. You have to get on your face, spend time with God, and wait patiently for an answer. Everything else is destined to fail.

It isn’t until you die to self that you can find God. He’s not interested in you doing things your way. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, you don’t matter that much. The world doesn’t revolve around you. When you die, your time here is over, and you will be forgotten. Glorifying God doesn’t mean accomplishing huge things for Him. He doesn’t need you to do anything. What glorifies God? Honoring Him, worshipping Him, putting Him in the proper place in your life. Not relying on self.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop being afraid, and get on your face before God.

Everything else will become evident. Nothing else matters.

You can’t just say “The world is ending!” You have to get to the point where you admit your world will end. And then maybe you will begin to understand the futility of glorifying self.

it’s not that The End Is Near- it’s that Your End Is Near. You aren’t going to live forever. You have to come to grips with this.

PS: I still hate WordPress’ Gutenberg editor.

Sorry, Automattic, but your shortsightedness, callousness, and lack of concern for users pretty much permanently put me off of WordPress as a platform. Sucks, but… it is what it is. If I end up keeping the domain, this site will get converted to a static HTML site. Of course, I’ve tried a WordPress plugin that automatically does it… and guess what? Didn’t work. Sigh.