Is Everything Really Pointless?

What is the point of writing a blog if nobody reads it? What is it about written discourse that people just aren’t interested in any more? No matter how I cut it, there’s no denying that blogs aren’t drawing in traffic like they used to. But written word is still my favorite way to communicate!

So what’s the point? Why am I still posting here? It’s mostly because I just like writing. Is it pointless? I don’t think so- not completely pointless to me. By me writing things out, it helps me to think through difficult problems, scriptures, and whatever else. Couldn’t I just do that in a written journal? Well, I suppose I could.

My Shifting Influences

There’s a lot that has been going on in my life lately. My wife has been ill. We’re still dealing with the consequences of that. We’re still dealing with after effects of Coronavirus lockdowns. Our family is struggling to find stability and peace, and somehow, I have to make sense of it all.

I’ve been watching a lot of new Youtube channels. Mostly music and guitar stuff, but there’s a few I follow that speak about current events and self-improvement. Some of them are Christians, some of them aren’t. But the main idea is that I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life at this point.

“What, you don’t have your life figured out yet?”

Well, sort of. I’ve spent the last 25 years building my family, and doing challenges when I get the chance- writing a book, learning a new language, studying martial arts. That has served me well up to now. But I am moving into a place where I am thinking about the future, and I don’t have a specific course laid out for myself. I’m being pulled in many directions.

“But don’t you write about purpose all the time?”

Yes, I do. But there’s more than one way to carry out purpose. I need to spend some time thinking about the best way to do it. If I’m a worship musician at heart, what are different ways I can fulfil that? If my goal is to creatively present the gospel, what are some ways I could do that? Music? Videos? Stories?

Each one of those pursuits has its own requirements for time, money, and energy spent. In some cases they may overlap (like making music for videos). But for the most part, they don’t. So I have to decide which way to go. I clearly don’t have the time to do all of them, as much as I’d like to.

Et Tu, Brute’

So, my choices are:

  1. write books (least money, most time required)
  2. music production (medium money, medium time)
  3. minecraft theology videos (most money for new PC)

I’m sure there are other things I could add to the list, but these are what I’m currently evaluating.

A new baseline computer (just the parts) would run me around $700. Top shelf would be closer to $2000.

Music production would cost me a few hundred bucks in equipment, but easily less than $500. I already have most of what I need.

Video camera: I will probably need to get a nice camera if I go any of these routes. Everything is distributed through youtube now. Music? Needs video. Gaming? Needs video. Writers? Needs video. I don’t think I can get around this.

What’s the Point?

What I’m getting at is this: sometimes you need to evaluate not just your purpose, but also how you carry out your purpose. Not just the why, but also the how. And sometimes that means making compromises to keep moving towards the end goal.

Am I Disqualified?

In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Paul reminds the church in Corinth:

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to take the prize. Everyone who competes in the games trains with strict discipline. They do it for a crown that is perishable, but we do it for a crown that is imperishable. Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like I am beating the air. No, I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”

In our spiritual walk, there are stages we go through. Much like when we train for a race, we have to do things in the right order and meet the requirements, or risk being disqualified.

Step 1: decide you want to enter the race (salvation)
Step 2: learn what rules require (study)
Step 3: learn who your opponents are
Step 4: Run

Can I Be Disqualified?

According to Paul, yes. Does that mean you can lose salvation? I don’t think that’s what he’s referring to. Paul says “After I have preached to others, I myself would not be disqualified.” Before this, in verses 16-23, he is talking about preaching the gospel as his primary mission. “I have become all things to all men, so that I might save some.”

So can you be disqualified from preaching the gospel? Yes. I think this is what Paul is addressing. You can contradict the gospel with your lifestyle, and thereby nullify anyone believing it.

I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified” means he kept his fleshly lusts in control so that he would not become a hypocrite, and thus diminish the gospel being preached- his very reason for living.

Does this mean I can’t lose my salvation?

Whoah there, friend. I didn’t say that. Just because I think Paul’s addressing being disqualified from preaching the Gospel, doesn’t automatically mean you can’t lose salvation. But this question is a lot more complicated, and we might not do it justice with just a few hundred (or thousand) words.

But let’s assume, for the moment, that the act of preaching the Gospel is a crucial indicator for being saved. You wouldn’t want to be disqualified from either one, would you? That’s not to say you have to preach the gospel to be saved, or that lost people can’t preach the gospel. But the idea of being disqualified looks very similar in both cases, doesn’t it?

What then?

We run in such a way as to win the prize. Not aimlessly or lazily. It requires focus and dedication- not to secure salvation, but to solidify our walk.

The Nine Laws: Part Eight

In this (very lengthy) discussion of Ivan Throne’s The Nine Laws, we’ve covered a lot of ground. You can read my review of the book here, and the rest of the parts are here:

Today we’re going to cover the Eighth law: Preposterousness. We’re going to examine the following applications from a context of Biblical Christianity:

Narcissism: You are the center of your universe.
Machiavellianism: There is no true reality.
Psychopathy: Absence of ego in absurdity.

Ivan’s comments are in bold italics. I respond to each one below.

Firstly, let’s define some things. “Does the world revolve around me?”

When you hear “You’re the center of your own universe!” it’s generally intended as an insult, or as an observation of someone’s self-centeredness. This is the classic definition of Narcissism: everything is about you.

But if I may, let me redirect your understanding of this, as a possible alternative.

What if when I say “I am the center of my universe,” I mean “I am the central gathering point for information that shapes my reality”?

Let me explain. If we believe (wrongly) that we’re in control of everything, then saying we’re the center of our universe means our actions shape our reality.

But if you understand that our reality is shaped by God for us to conditionally experience (and may not match what other people experience) then you realize that, yes, God has shaped and revealed our reality specifically for each of us. We cannot rely on other people’s interpretations of what we’ve experienced to explain what God’s intentions are. God does not reveal our reality to someone else for them to explain to us. That’s not how God works; that’s how cults are formed.

More aptly put: we are not the center of the universe, we are at the center of our experiences in the reality that God is revealing to us. We are responsible for our reaction to it. We are not the cause of it.

Everything is Ridiculous. Continue reading “The Nine Laws: Part Eight”

The End Is Near

We currently live in trying times.

That’s kind of putting it mildly; we’re actually closer to Biblical End Times than anything else. The populace has been utterly wrecked through misinformation, mismanagement, evil powers, and principalities. We can’t trust anything we see or hear any more. Those who question the narrative are lambasted and labeled as conspirists.

And you know what? Nothing I do will change that. Speaking truth accomplishes nothing when no one is listening.

I have fallen short as a husband, father, and leader. I am struggling with all this insanity with the you-know-what lockdowns, and now the rioting. My workplace is inundated with propaganda and hysteria. They forced us to work from home for a time. Chastising us if we walk down the hallway to go to the bathroom we share with other employees. Constantly cranking up the pressure, despite nobody here even getting the sniffles. We’re constantly told that we’re selfish, that we’re the problem, that we don’t care about people dying, that nothing we do is ever enough. It’s exhausting.

What’s the big deal?

I’m not going to argue deaths and numbers, because frankly, even if I show proof, nobody cares.

Do you know why nobody wants to believe the truth? Because people want to be afraid and angry. The populace gravitates towards fear and control like a moth to a flame. Humans are stupid, panicy animals. If you tell them a virus is going to wipe out mankind (despite tons of evidence it won’t) they will latch on to it like a Pittbull on a toddler. If you tell them they’re victims and should be angry, they will pick up bricks and smash anything in sight, whether it has anything to do with it or not.

Fear is of the enemy. People are driven by it, controlled by it, and always live under a thinly veiled pretense that they’re not afraid. But you show an incomplete and manipulated chart on facebook, and suddenly everyone reveals their true motivation: FEAR.

Oh my gosh!” they squeal. “We’re all going to die!

Well, yeah, we all are, eventually, of something.

Funny how all those Darwin fanboys don’t have anything positive to say about a virus that wipes out elderly and sick people, huh? Hmm. Go figure.

So anyway, The End:

Ah, yes. The impending doom of the universe. Almost forgot about that.

The truth is, our time here as individuals is short. The idea that we can live forever, while noble, is complete and utter baloney. We’re not immortal. Our lives are fleeting. And honestly, if you’re wasting your life being fat and unproductive, you shouldn’t be surprised when your life ends prematurely. If you’re spending your time being angry about something, that ultimately won’t prevent you from dying, or even protect you from injustice.

But what should we do, then? What’s the point of anything if we’re all going to die?

Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? Why are we here? What’s our purpose?

Find Your Purpose

If your time here is limited, then you’d better know what you’re doing while you’re here. Your purpose is to glorify God in whatever you do, as the penultimate part of creation. If you’re not doing this, then you’re not fulfilling the reason you were made in the first place. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.

Just pointing out oppression or lies doesn’t glorify God by itself. Lots of humanitarian organizations do this. You need to move beyond the “I must do something!” mindset and have a “what does God want me to do?” mindset. And you can’t just assume. You have to get on your face, spend time with God, and wait patiently for an answer. Everything else is destined to fail.

It isn’t until you die to self that you can find God. He’s not interested in you doing things your way. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, you don’t matter that much. The world doesn’t revolve around you. When you die, your time here is over, and you will be forgotten. Glorifying God doesn’t mean accomplishing huge things for Him. He doesn’t need you to do anything. What glorifies God? Honoring Him, worshipping Him, putting Him in the proper place in your life. Not relying on self.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop being afraid, and get on your face before God.

Everything else will become evident. Nothing else matters.

You can’t just say “The world is ending!” You have to get to the point where you admit your world will end. And then maybe you will begin to understand the futility of glorifying self.

it’s not that The End Is Near- it’s that Your End Is Near. You aren’t going to live forever. You have to come to grips with this.

PS: I still hate WordPress’ Gutenberg editor.

Sorry, Automattic, but your shortsightedness, callousness, and lack of concern for users pretty much permanently put me off of WordPress as a platform. Sucks, but… it is what it is. If I end up keeping the domain, this site will get converted to a static HTML site. Of course, I’ve tried a WordPress plugin that automatically does it… and guess what? Didn’t work. Sigh.

The Wax Museum Podcast

Welcome! If you’re visiting my blog for the first time, I have to warn you- it’s all over the place.

But considering the way my mind works (and if you know anything about Bridge Livwat), you’ll know that the creative process can be very messy and disorganized. Coming to grips with that is part of what we, as creatives, do.

John (also known as Bridge Livwat) and I have been friends for a while. If I recall, we met through another (now defunct) podcast called The Gospel Friends, and through that, ended up making our own podcast called ADD Masterminds. John’s love of podcasting led him to start a few more, including one called The Wax Museum

We’ve had many discussions about creativity, music, and inspiration, so it’s only natural that we’d discuss it. And wanting to be serious about it, John decided that The Wax Museum was the best place to discuss it.

If you haven’t listened to it, you can listen to the podcast here at The Wax Museum.

Ownership of Things That Aren’t Things

“The things you own, end up owning you.”

But what if those “things” aren’t actual things?

I was reading an interesting gopher phlog (warning: you need a gopher-enabled browser to see it) called “Everything Is Amazing but Nothing is Ours.”

Essentially, it describes how in the early days of computing, users still thought of files as “things” that you could share, move, and delete. Over time, everything has migrated to a “service” where everything is just cell data stored in a database, delivered on demand.

I’ve seen this happen in numerous areas, like Android apps. Most of the big services moved from a “pay one price for the app” to a subscription model. Sometimes that works out better for consumers, sometimes it doesn’t. It always works out better for the companies, otherwise they wouldn’t do it. All major software companies are doing this, even with operating systems. You don’t “buy” a copy of Office, you have a subscription. You don’t “own” a copy of Windows or OSX, you pay for a license to use it- which can be revoked by them, at any time, for any reason.

I recently had a discussion with an older coworker (who’s an audiophile) about making recordings of broadcast music onto tapes or CDs. At first, I just said “with Spotify, you can listen to anything you want, wherever you want, whenever you want.” But the more I thought about it, I understand why he does this: it’s because he has a tangible copy in his hands. It’s not dependent on whether he has internet, or the correct DRM-equipped player. He just pops a tape into a deck, and he’s got music. He rips every DVD or CD that goes through his hands. He has a huge catalog of media, all re-recorded by himself, DRM-free.

Shane’s phlog accurately explains how the modern “service” model is better in many ways: it’s easier, faster, more powerful, flexible, and cheaper. But the flip side of that is that you lose “ownership” of your information. When everything becomes a service, then you no longer own anything. Continue reading “Ownership of Things That Aren’t Things”

Purpose And Anti-Purpose

For the last 10+ years or so, I’ve blogged about things off and on here. My brain ranges between topics freely, like a bird flitting to and fro in a cage. Never settled, always looking for another perch. Not realizing that I’m still not really free to go where I want.

But by spending time thinking about purpose, I’ve seen the duplicity of my brain, and how it sabotages my purpose.

If I say “My purpose is ___” and then that only constitutes 25% of what I do, at best, is it really central to my purpose? No, of course not. So why does my brain refuse to focus on my purpose?

Simply put, it’s my flesh. My worldly nature is in control. And I have allowed it to run amok. If I were of singular focus, I would hardly ever get distracted and waste time with things that didn’t matter. Too much of my energy is spent on ancillary activities, while my central purpose goes neglected.

Just identifying the problem doesn’t solve it, though. And this is the part where most people fail.

So how do you fix something when your problem is the inability to fix things?? Continue reading “Purpose And Anti-Purpose”

Pedalboard Musings

How Minimal is Minimal?

I’ve been seriously debating on whether I want to dump money into an actual professional guitar pedalboard. I mean… I could make one and hack together a case for it. It would take me a couple of hours and $20 worth of plywood. But you know, I’m kind of wanting something a little more polished, something sturdier, something that I won’t have to compromise on. Something big enough that I can run both my electric and acoustic guitars through.

If I go with a professional board, I could mount the compressor, PSU, and a few other things underneath. I wouldn’t use velcro, I can use zip ties. It would require making more patch cables, and so on… probably (with an added couple of pedals) around $600. That’s a LOT of money. More than halfway to Helix/GT1000/Headrush teritory.

Granted, I think it would be extremely convenient, and would able to do pretty much anything I want. Flexibility and portability are always my main two concerns. Assuming I can stuff a couple of pedals underneath, I should be able to make that do what I want.

But again, I have to decide whether I should drop another couple hundred dollars into a setup to do more than it already does. Technically, a board doesn’t *do* anything other than make the pedals and stuff easy to carry and use. Is that sort of functionality worth hundreds of dollars to me, as a pseudo-minimalist?

Or would I be better served with just getting a single multi-fx unit, like a Line 6 Helix LT, or a Boss GT-1000, or a Headrush Pedalboard? They’re $800! But… they’re all in one piece. Built-in direct boxes, flexible routing, and no board or patch cables required.

Theoretically, if I sold all my pedals, I could mostly offset the gargantuan cost of one of these units. But I would only do that if it could do everything that my current board does, and also what I want it to do!

So which is more minimal: Having one piece of expensive gear that does everything you need, or adding complication and cost to what you already have to do what you want? Continue reading “Pedalboard Musings”

My Constant Inner Companion

I have a constant inner companion, inside my head. I’m not talking about the Holy Spirit (although He is a fantastic companion!), I’m talking about my not-so-friendly friend, Mr. Tinnitus.

Tinnitus is defined as non-auditory internally perceived sound. In other words, you can hear things (whooshing, ringing, chirping) that aren’t actually there. It is closely associated with hearing loss, and almost always accompanies hearing damage.

I recently watched a great video by Chords Of Orion (a.k.a. Bill Vencil) about how his hearing loss and tinnitus had progressed over the last few years. And of course, his experience mirrors my own. I have a constant 24/7 high-frequency buzzing/ringing in my ears that never goes away. It’s very faint most of the time, as I’ve trained myself to partially tune it out. But it permanently affects my ability to hear sounds in a certain frequency range. I’m constantly asking my wife to repeat herself if there’s any kind of noise around. I can only hear her clearly if it’s quiet. (Doesn’t help that she’s soft spoken.)

How has this affected me musically? Well, I’d like to say it hasn’t, but I’m pretty sure it has somehow. The problem is, I can’t really tell. But I know something’s up because I can hear some things clearly through noise, and others I can’t.

Is there anything I can do to treat it? Not really, unfortunately. Hearing is a finite resource, and once you lose some of it, it doesn’t come back. But there are a few things you can do to cope with the constant ringing: Continue reading “My Constant Inner Companion”

Pocket-Sized Synths

As I’ve previously written about going all analog, one of the
things I looked into was analog music gear. Specifically, I wanted to find some analog synths and things that I could use to make music without breaking the bank. Most notably, the Korg Volca series popped up.

If you haven’t heard of the Korg Volca format, it’s a small form-factor that Korg uses to make synths, sequencers, samplers, and a few other eletronic music devices. They’re very affordably priced and have a lot of cool features, and they sound great.

But I got to thinking: if I bought four of them at $150 a pop, I’d still need to buy some cables and make a stand for them, and also some sort of mixer. And the more modules you get, the more space they take up.

As part of my philosophy of minimalism, I started thinking “How could I get the same functionality in less space, with less money?”

And then I remembered Caustic. Continue reading “Pocket-Sized Synths”