I Drive, Therefore I Am

I hate driving. And I love driving.

Yes, I am a paradox. Almost everything I do is a paradox. But in particular, driving is the one that gets me.

I’ve been driving since I was fifteen (which was… let’s see…twenty-four years ago?) and I’ve always been enamored with cars, especially fast cars. Which of course means I like driving, and also racing. And driving fast. But here, out in the third-world country known as Louisiana, there are more idiots on the roads than anything else. It’s quite evident if you spend more than a day driving anywhere south of I-10 that people not only have no freaking clue what good driving is, they also don’t care.

Louisiana tops the nation as having the worst drivers of all fifty states. This comes as a surprise to nobody. I hate driving here, and what’s even worse, I hate riding my bike in traffic here. The roads are poorly maintained, horribly planned, and just plain dangerous. Add horrible drivers to that, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

I recently took a road trip to Houston, TX. I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though it was long. Why? Smooth, well-marked roads. Mostly courteous drivers. It was a pleasure to drive the Texas interstate system. Nobody was swerving while driving, nobody texting and drinking and driving and talking on the phone, and who knows what else. They were just, you know, driving. Imagine that. In a car, and just driving! Crazy, right?

So basically, I love driving, but I hate drivers.

I think I need to go ride my bike.

What Portal (And Breaking Bad) Taught Me About Writing

What does playing a video game have to do with writing a story? Well, if you’ve played any recent games, you’ve probably realized they’re becoming more and more story-driven. That’s because developers have realized that a good story will suck players in more than good gameplay alone. In fact, the best games have great gameplay and story.

And so, I discovered the game Portal. It’s a very non-traditional game, in that it’s a first-person 3D puzzle game. And your character never speaks. Even in the sequel, Portal 2, she doesn’t speak, despite being constantly accompanied by a talking sphere. And later on, a talking potato. Seriously.

The main things that stand out to me about Portal are how the story develops, and how the environment was designed to forward the story and the game without bogging players down. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about good writing, it’s that writers should “Show, don’t Tell.” Portal is a perfect example of how to do this: you start the game knowing nothing about your character, where you are, or what do to, and every level walks you through a little more of what you need to know without explicitly giving you directions.

When you play through the game with the designer’s commentary on, they stress the importance of how much they developed the game to teach players how to play the game. The whole idea was to shape the environment so that players would come to the right solutions, without just giving it away. That way players felt a sense of accomplishment, even though the entire game was designed to lead them down the right path, and entertain them along the way. Every single “discovery” was carefully crafted to elicit a certain response, and the player never even realizes it.

When writing a story, we need to stick to the same idea. Why have a massive deluge of information when it’s more fun for the readers to come to the same conclusion on their own? It takes a little more creativity to craft a story completely out of surroundings (as opposed to just spilling your guts) but when you do, the reader feels like they are in control of the story, and they figured it out on their own… even if you’re leading them by the hand behind the scenes. The tension, the curiosity, the sense of accomplishment. All these things come from not just reading the story, but experiencing it from the character’s eyes.

You need to lay out all the plot pieces as the character finds them. You have to make it so that the reader finds the story on their own, but doesn’t realize you were leading them there.

In television shows, they use what’s called a “Cold Opener.” This is basically an opening scene that the viewer is thrust into, without knowing anything in advance. In the cold opener for the show Breaking Bad, we see the main character standing next to a smoking RV in nothing but his undies and a shirt, and holding a gun behind his back.

Immediately, your brain is thinking “Why isn’t he wearing any pants? Who’s the other guy? Who is he afraid of? What’s all that stuff in the RV? Is that why they have gas masks? And what’s with the apron?” You’re trying to figure out what’s going to happen, but you only have a few visual clues to go on… there’s no narrator, no prologue, no back story. Just Walt in an apron. In Portal, you get nothing except Chell waking up from hibernation, a few visual clues, and the ramblings of a deranged computer (which you can’t really trust). Gradually, as the stories progress, you get pieces of the puzzle. Eventually, you put enough of the puzzle together to figure out what’s going on, and by then, the story’s almost over, and it’s time for the epiphany. By then, the reader/viewer/player is ready to engage, and that’s when the final action sequences have the most impact.

As a writer, don’t spill all the beans. Don’t be afraid to leave details out at first, and don’t be afraid to hint at things early on. Trust me, if your story is interesting at all, people will remember those tidbits, and make the connections. Our brains naturally file things away to use for later, even if they don’t make sense at first. At last, when the reader makes the connections, bam, they’re hooked. They’ve invested in the story, they’ve worked on figuring it out, and they will stick around to see how it ends up.

How To Self-Publish an Ebook With Smashwords

This article was originally posted for Smashwords’ “How-To” post, located here. The original article I wrote has long since been erased to the world, so I decided to re-write it! EDIT: I found a copy of the original article!

For some people, one of the main things holding them back from writing a novel is the fear of “What do I do with it once I’ve written it?” Thankfully, in today’s web-enabled world, it’s no longer necessary to hawk yourself to publisher after publisher in hopes of making that elusive book deal. Also, for the first time ever, eBook sales have eclipsed print copies. This puts us in an interesting place! One of the largest independent e-book publishers is Smashwords, and once you’ve decided to publish a book, this is the perfect place to start. Smashwords is essentially a tool for distributing your e-book, and helping you get it accessible in as many formats as possible. Smashwords is NOT an editing service, a sales service, nor a sleazy print-on-demand retailer. I recommend them because I use them myself.

Of course, you have to have actually written a book first. (This should go without saying.) You will also need to be able to have the book edited, either by yourself, or preferably by someone else who knows how to do quality editing. Once the actual story is finished, you’re ready for formatting.

When publishing an e-book, formatting is the most critical part. When you take away the actual paper, formatting is all you have left! Without good formatting, a good book can be rendered nearly unreadable. Thankfully, Smashwords thought ahead on this, and offer several helpful documents on how to do it justice. First, you will want to download and read the Smashwords Style Guide and read it more than once. Yes, formatting is boring, but if you want the widest distribution and the best looking end result, you need to read it carefully! If you get stuck, check the FAQ and go back and read it again. Still, it’s a daunting task, but there’s plenty of info that may help you along. You will also want to read the e-book terminology guide, the Book Marketing Guide, and possibly check out the Smashwords Facebook group.

Once the actual content is in a usable state, you can then create a free account at Smashwords, and get started. The process is fairly straightforward. You upload your document, and it gets processed by the word grinder, which converts it into all the common e-book formats. Make sure all the output formats came out okay. I didn’t have any problems with it, but if you use any graphics, odd fonts, or whatever, you will want to check it.

Tips to good e-book formatting:

  • Read the Smashwords Style Guide.
  • Strip all existing page/paragraph formatting from your document, but not character formatting (otherwise all italics and bold text will revert to default)
  • Use either blank lines between paragraphs, or indents, but not both! 
  • Minimize empty carriage returns. Anything more than two or three blank lines in a row will fail when you put it through the Meatgrinder. In print copies it’s necessary to get the page to look right, but in e-books it’s not needed.
  • Save a fresh copy of your story with all formatting removed!! (The style guide explains how to do this.)
  • Read other stories similar to yours. You can learn a lot about what not to do by reading other examples!
  • Make sure to read through the entire finished formatted copy before you submit it.
  • Check for missing italics, misplaced page breaks, anything that doesn’t look right.
  • Try to stick with regular fonts. Many e-readers don’t work well with non-standard fonts.
  • Make sure your front matter and end pages are formatted per the style guide, otherwise you will end up doing it over.
  • If you have a cover graphic, make sure it gets included, and is the right DPI
  • If you are okay with listing Smashwords as the publisher, you can get your ISBN# assigned for free. If not, you will need to buy one.
  • If this copy of the book differs from any other versions (print too) then it needs a separate ISBN.
  • Preview the book in all formats to make sure there’s nothing wrong with the formatting! Even if you’ve done it before, it’s easy to miss something, and sometimes you just can’t see it unless you preview it in that format.
  • When in doubt, simpler is better. Your adoring fans will appreciate your hard work in making the book readable, but if the formatting is unusable, it doesn’t matter how good the writing is.
  • You don’t have to publish it right away. Make sure it’s right, and that you’re happy with the finished product.

Hopefully this will get you far enough along that you can start selling your very own e-book. These are just the ones I could think of, but they will keep you from making simple mistakes (some of which I made myself). It will take some time to format the book, so find a comfortable place to work, clear your desk and your mind, and do it in chunks of 30 minutes. I found that was about as long as I could concentrate without taking a break, but you may be able to knock it out in one sitting! Remember, you’re not trying to re-edit the book, you’re trying to make it look right.

Not to shamelessly plug my work, but if you want to see what a formatted book looks like, you can go to Smashwords and download any of their free offerings. If the book meets the highest standards of formatting, then it will be included in the Premium Catalog. Why do you want your book in the Premium Catalog? More online sellers to distribute it! More exposure and more sales, not to mention you’ll have a great-looking e-book.  It took 2 attempts to get my book in there, but they were simple mistakes I overlooked by not paying enough attention to the style guide.

That’s it! Just take your time, and you too can be an online self-published author!

One-A-Day (More like monthly)

I haven’t posted a one-a-day minimizing picture in a while. It’s not because I haven’t been minimizing, it’s just that I’ve been too busy trying to think up other things to post about, and I don’t minimize as much as I would like. I do still get rid of things, though. Quite a bit, actually.

Last week, we cleared out four bags of old clothes, and our broken flat screen TV (which we’re not replacing). Also got rid of a spare computer we had, and a bunk bed we weren’t using. So yes, we’re making progress. I think there’s more there. We’ve got boxes upon boxes of books, toys, magazines (still!) and more clothes we can get rid of. I can’t walk into my closet yet, but it’s better.

What to do with the extra space? Well, I’ve got plans for that, actually. I want to set up some musical instruments- guitars, keyboards, drum pads, violin, etc.- so me and my kids can jam whenever we want. This is a totally worthy cause, and I’m going to do everything I can to make this happen.

FOMO Is Ruining My Life

2 Corinthians 10.

I have a problem… and chances are, you have the same problem, too.

I hate missing out. In modern culture, this tendency is called “FOMO,” or “Fear of Missing Out.”

And after I sit and think about it for a while, I realize just how pervasive and deep-rooted this is in my life. The more I look, the more I realize it’s driven almost every aspect of where I’ve been and where I’m going. Social Media has only made it worse.

And why shouldn’t we hate missing out? We should experience life to the fullest, right? We should reach for the stars, climb the highest heights, go big or go home! Right? Right??

But that’s not how it works. It’s taken me a long time, but I’m realizing that everything costs something. Every time I want to go run off and experience some cool new thing, there’s something else in my life that has to give. When I want to go catch a concert (because hey, I may never see it again!) there’s consequences. Someone else pays for my spontaneity. Continue reading “FOMO Is Ruining My Life”

Scars Are Not A Sign of Weakness

I’ve noticed that in the last few years, I’ve accumulated a lot of scars. Everything from ant bites to major surgery seems to leave a scar on me. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even care if I have scar spots all over my hands, arms, and legs… it’s pretty much unavoidable.

But why do we spend so much time trying to hide our scars? Are we trying not to be judged? Will people think I’m not as attractive if I have staple marks on my head, or discolored lumps on my thigh? What about wrinkles and age spots?

I hate to say it, but I’m not young anymore. Not physically, anyway. I’m pushing 40, which is a long way from 18. Further away from 18 than when I was born. When I look in the mirror, I’m presented with a mix-n-match splatter of skin tones, based upon how long ago the scar was formed. Some of them you almost can’t see. You wouldn’t know they were there if I didn’t show you, but each and every one has a memory tied to it. They remind me of times when I was more reckless… more spontaneous… and less inclined to care.

I have a lot of spiritual and mental scars, as well. They don’t show up often, as I’ve learned to hide them well. We all do. However, you can’t hide scars from everybody, and you can’t hide anything from God. If you’ve been hurt, He knows.

Some people will say “It’s God’s fault I have scars!”

Well, yes. It’s also a doctor’s fault I have an 18″ scar running down my left leg. If it weren’t for that scar, I would probably have never walked without crutches or a cane. It’s a scar I’m willing to deal with, because it’s a sign of healing. The damage underneath would have been much worse without the scar.

Some of my scars are from my own stupidity. Like the time I cut my fingertip with a razor knife. Or the other time I cut a different fingertip with a pair of scissors. Or the time I… well, you get the idea. Sometimes it’s just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I have a lot of scars like that. Bug bites, scratches, cuts, you name it. After a while, I tend to forget they’re there. They blend into my self-image so that even I don’t see them. And I look good in the mirror.

But every now and then my scars will itch, and remind me of my past. I have one particular scar that is over two years old, and it’s still healing. Still discolored. Still itches and aches when the weather changes. It’s still ugly, but it’s in a spot where nobody can see it unless I show them. It is fading- slowly- but at this rate it will be decades before it turns the same color as my skin, and it will probably never smooth down to where it’s not noticeable.

I’m okay with scars now. It’s taken some time, but over the years, God has healed my wounds inside and out. Every time it happens, I think “Man, what an ugly scar!” but it’s proof that God is there, pulling me through, healing me. Now I tend to get scars from almost everything. And you know what? It doesn’t bother me.

I’m not done healing. It may take some time. In your life, it may take some time, too. You might have some pretty big wounds, but God can heal them all. They do leave scars, but underneath, there is real healing going on.

Corporate Emo Poetry Monday- Labor Day Edition

Hurtling myself towards the goal
I determinedly grasp the pole
To vault skywards and reach the prize

I flex and bend to make amends
While people call themselves my friends
But the real me they don’t recognize

And while we pause to celebrate
I fight the urge to overrate
The disgusting faceless corporate giants

I stand with brothers arm in arm
Who fight  the corporate need to harm
The very ones who stand in defiance

Happy Labor Day!

Who Am I? The Doctor.

Yesterday as I was watching Doctor Who with my kids (The Eleventh Doctor, Matt Smith… in case you were wondering) a thought formed in my head. The episode was about a regular guy who gets mixed up with the Doctor, ends up being a hero, saving his own son, and truly becoming a “dad.”

And it got me thinking about how the Doctor isn’t really a hero.

Well, I mean, he is, but in most of the shows, it’s the doctor’s companions that rise to the occasion. It’s just assumed the Doctor is brave and strong and good, even as his character develops and descends into more darkness. He doesn’t always save the day, he’s just the catalyst.

His companions, however, are transformed from clueless bystanders into true warriors. People of passion, wit, bravery, and fury. By stepping into that little blue box, their lives are transformed into something amazing.

And really, that is what makes the Doctor a hero: he turns other people into heroes. He doesn’t force them, he just puts them in situations where their true bravery is allowed to come to the surface. He gives them the option, the opportunity, of doing the right thing.

As I watch my kids grow up around me, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve allowed their true character to shine through. Have I just manipulated them and told them what to do? Or have I put them in situations where their character is tested, and allowed them to rise to the occasion?

In our lives, we need to strive to be like the Doctor. If you want to be a hero, focus on making others around you a hero. By yourself, you can accomplish great things. But if you disciple the ones around you, your legacy can go on indefinitely. Which will have more impact on the world? Unlike the Doctor, we can’t live nearly forever.

We need to step back, look at things through God’s perspective, and then bring our companions along for the ride. Not because we’re good! But because we want to enable people to be better, to rise to their full potential.

And who knows? You might even have a little adventure along the way.

Hate The NSA? Do Something About It: Start Here.

If you haven’t heard about Snowden and the NSA whistleblowing scandal, you either 1. live under a rock (with no internet) or 2. only use the internet to play Candy Crush (which is just as bad).

Basically, it was made publicly known that the U.S. Government records everything you do on the internet, including emails. Do you like the government having access to all of your emails and surfing history? Your passwords? Your private information? I hope not… and today, I’m going to show you what you can do about it.

Disclaimer: I’m not going to even address the faulted logic of saying “Why use encryption, I have nothing to hide!” Basically, the government can and will use anything you do or say against you if they want, for any reason they want, and their track record of mistakenly incriminating innocent people isn’t particularly good! Encryption is basically the digital version of the Fifth Amendment. Protect yourself.

Back before my web hosting server got wiped a few years ago, I had written a few articles on how to use something called “GPG” to encrypt computer files, primarily emails. GPG (Gnu Privacy Guard) is a fantastic application that basically encrypts computer information using public and private keys.

How GPG works:

  • You download the GPG software. The easiest way to use GPG is to add it as a plug-in to your email client, like Thunderbird or Outlook. (I use Thunderbird with the Enigmail add-on, works fantastically!)
  • You pick an email to identify yourself… this is your digital “identity” that people will associate you with. Doesn’t matter which email it is, but most likely your primary one.
  • You create a “Key Pair” which includes a Public Key and a Private Key. The public key is what other people use to send you messages, and the private key is what you use to decrypt, or read them. You publicly hand out your public key, and you keep your private key, well.. private.
  • You will also want to create a revocation certificate which lets you “revoke” the keys if they ever become compromised. Keep it safe!
  • Now if someone wants to send you a private encrypted message, they use your key to send it to you, and nobody but you can read it. Not even the NSA. You can encrypt messages or files with more than one key, so it does work for group messages. Just be aware! If more than one person can read it, you’d better trust them!

There are lots of other interesting things you can do, and of course, it doesn’t encrypt the email’s headers… who it was sent to, the subject, and any other header data. But if you want to simply communicate without being snooped on, GPG will do it.

You can get started by downloading GPG and trying it out. Feel free to send me an encrypted message to try it out!

My public key (jeff@jeffhendricks.net) can either be downloaded here, or you can search for and download it from a GPG Keyserver.