A few days ago, a dear friend of mine, an older brother in the faith, was talking to me about his van. It seemed like it needed a new battery, but we were discussing other things that could cause it not to start. I mentioned cleaning off the starter solenoid posts with a wire brush, and a few other things.
And then he turned to me and said something to the effect of, “You know, you’re one of the most masculine guys I know.”
I just kind of stared at him for a moment. I’m not tough and gruff. I don’t hunt, or even own a gun. I’m not exactly a physically intimidating man. I’m balding. I said “Well, I haven’t grown my beard out in a while…”
“No,” he said, “it’s not how you look. I mean, how you just crawl up underneath something and work on it, or how you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty. Things like that.”
I’ll admit, I was kind of thrown off-guard. But after a day or so, it made me want to think about what I perceive as masculine, and what other people think of as masculine. Who defines what that means? How does that affect me, and how does that fit into my life?
[mas-kyuh-lin]
1. pertaining to or characteristic of a man or men
2. having qualities traditionally ascribed to men, as strength and boldness
Qualities such as strength and boldness? Hmm. I’m not that strong, physically. And boldness, I’m not too sure about.
But what if they’re talking about a different kind of strength?
There’s a determination, a strength of mind that sets men apart from ordinary guys. I don’t think it’s a singularly masculine trait, but I can’t think of a masculine man who didn’t posses it. The mental toughness is the thing. Resilience, the ability to try hard things, the presence of mind to push through and learn or do things that you didn’t think you could.
To be sure, I’ve made it through some tough times, and learned to do some difficult things. I never really considered those “masculine” things to do but when I think of men who aren’t masculine, it’s usually because they’re weak mentally, not physically.
Being masculine doesn’t mean you have to be gruff, or mean, or violent, or even physically strong. Its not about using the best Philips Norelco 7200 razor or wearing the manliest colors.
What it requires is toughness. Mental stamina to overcome obstacles. Presence of mind to make sound decisions. Courage to face the unknown. Wisdom to learn difficult things, and teach. To thrive in adversity, and overcome your self-doubts and fears.
Then, when you’re strong and confident in who you are as a man, you’ll be masculine.