I’ve been encouraged in the last few days, only to feel defeated again this morning. I am going to have to throw myself back into the pursuit of God if I’m going to manage to keep my head on straight.
I don’t know why this is messing with my head so much. It’s not like I’m trying to be perfect. But something about this is just rubbing me the wrong way- there’s something there I can’t put my finger on. I guess I still have strongholds of the mind, but finding them is hard. And tearing them down is even harder.
It would be nice if I could just go back to not caring about anything again, but I know that’s not what God has in store for me. Sometimes I wonder if I ever really wanted to become something great. Maybe I’d be okay just as a regular guy, with nothing else special about me. But when I think about where God has brought me, and what He’s given me, I am encouraged. There’s a driving purpose to what He’s doing all around us, and I’m trying to look past my own shortcomings to see what’s really important.
What am I doing today? I’m going to try to find a job. I’m going to try to figure out what to do about my small business (that isn’t really a business, because I’m not making any money at it). I’m going to try to write some more on my novel, in hopes that just maybe someone will like it and I can get a publishing contract. Or something. Plus I’m working on learning music and preparing for our church’s new campus launch in 5 weeks.
I’ve got a lot on my mind, but I’m in a place where I can’t do much about it. So I have to figure out what I can do, and go in that direction.
I never could get the hang of Mondays.