No matter how much I try to keep up with the hectic pace of life, I always seem to end up feeling like I’m stuck in the past. And not in the “Things were better back in the day!” kind of way. More like the “I feel like I can’t move forward in time” kind of feeling. I want to be a creator, to make things- music, videos, machines, whatever- but I am constantly kneecapped by the fact that I’m not independently wealthy, I can’t afford nice cameras and lights and computers and toys, and more importantly… I feel frustrated that I actually want those things.
What if I made it “my thing” to be okay with getting by with old cheap stuff? I see videos by Vulfpeck done all grainy and old-school, and it makes me wonder: Could it be possible for me to make video content that’s not in 1080p, and it still be good content?
I just want to make musical content, and not have to worry about becoming an expert videographer too. I don’t want to have to buy a new computer with Adobe Aftereffects just to make an album. I don’t want to have to buy a $1500 camera just so you can see me playing music in HD. Not going to buy a camera drone so I can make awesome scenic shots to go over my music. Not going to buy a $3000 Fractal Axe-FX modeler so I can make $200 selling music on Bandcamp.
Those are all things I wouldn’t mind doing, if I had the time and money to sink into them. But I don’t. And because of that, I feel like I’m missing out on something. Is it FOMO? Or is it just the realization that I’m not likely ever going to do what I really want to do?
Well, who decided what I needed to do in the first place? I’m pretty sure it was me calling those shots- not God. Oh yeah… huh. Did God tell me to buy stuff? No. Did God tell me to make music? Yes. Does it matter if I use old stuff, or whatever I already have? Depends on who you ask.
If you ask the “Spirit of Excellence” prosperity crowd, then yeah… no amount of money is too much to spend on ministry, even if it’s of questionable purpose. Then there’s people like me, who essentially make music with stuff I’ve had laying around for 20+ years, more or less. Our church is looking at upgrading their entire sound system, and part of that deal is to possibly get a Line 6 HX Stomp as a guitar amp replacement. There isn’t anything wrong with my current setup, though- and I’m the only guitar player right now.
Can I make decent videos with my cellphone and an old USB mixer? Well, I don’t know, but I’m already doing that. Does it really need to improve? That depends on what I’m trying to do. What does “better” accomplish? Will it really increase my music’s exposure, or will it just cost more money?
I’m thinking about what I’m going to do for church. I could possibly get a newer modeler pedal for my setup, or go all digital, which I’ve discussed before. But I don’t need to. The church doesn’t need to either, for that matter. We don’t need backing tracks, we don’t need mood lighting, and we don’t need expensive digital setups to play covers of pop worship radio tunes. Worship production has become an idol in the church today, and you’d be hard pressed to find a single congregation that it hasn’t tempted. Those big-money, big name worship teams? They don’t reflect our church, our faith, and in some cases, don’t reflect Biblical theology. So why would we want to emulate them? To look cool? To impress people? To impress God? Because we can? To follow popular trends? None of these are good reasons.
And so here I am: stuck in a world where everything is being upgraded, and I want out. I don’t want to use the newest digital thing, I don’t want to pay exorbitant amounts of money for them, and I don’t see the need for it in the first place. I don’t care about worship music production if the premise is to impress people, and not God. I don’t care about youtube video production if the idea is to just get more clicks, and doesn’t affect the actual music in any way. I don’t want a new fancy digital car. I don’t want the shiny new smartphone. I just don’t want it.
At some point, I’m going to find a setup that works for me… and I’m very, very close. My needs are such that I’m always looking to expand what I can do, but I’m not even using what I have to its fullest potential. I don’t even want to change anything, but there’s a couple of things that I could really, honestly use to upgrade. A better amplifier is one (in pedal or actual amp form, I don’t care which). My guitars are great. My recording setup works great. My pedalboard can do some amazing things, more than I need it to. So why upgrade what works?
The pressure to conform to this world is crushing and unrelenting. Sometimes you just need to take a step back, and say “no thanks.”