I have been frustrated lately. It seems as though God is trying to stretch me into things I wasn’t trying to stretch into. I’m having things thrown at me from every angle, and sometimes I can barely keep track of what day of the week it is, much less all the things people want me to do.
One of the things I want to prioritize is spending time with my kids. However, that’s hard to do when they’re teenagers, and don’t want to do anything with me. Or they want to do things with me that I can’t do. Makes it kind of hard. And I spend time taking care of them, cooking for them, cleaning up after them, playing with them, driving them places… any chance I get (when they’re not busy), I’m spending it with my kids. My dad never could do that with me. My kids have no idea how good they have it.
I’ve also got creative forces pulling me every which way, including writing another book, recording an album, and relaunching a podcast. Also rebuilding my ’65 Rambler. And possibly building more cosplay props. I’ve been asked to play in concerts, join in writer’s groups, attend ceremonies, organize activities, and who knows what else. I barely have the time and energy to do *one* of those, so certainly not all of them.
My body feels sluggish all the time now. I haven’t exercised regularly in about a year. I’ve gained 20 pounds. I want to sleep all the time. I have to find time for taking care of myself. So add in an hour a day for that.
I’m spending too much time working on ministering at my new church. Between serving, practicing, setup and teardown, I probably spend 20 hours a week working for a volunteer position. And I try to spend time reading my Bible, praying, and focusing on spiritual growth.
Plus: I have a job that keeps me occupied for 10 hours a day (including drive time). So there’s that.
I want my friends, readers, fellow supervillains, ADD Masterminds, and other assorted people to understand: it’s not that I don’t want to do these things. I very much want to do *all* of them. But I physically can’t. I mentally can’t.
I literally just can’t.
Where do I go from here? How can I get all this stuff done, and not disappoint people?
I can’t. Somebody is going to be disappointed, no matter what I do. Because when I try to please everybody, I start dropping things, and everybody (including me) gets frustrated.
My biggest problem is I don’t know what to cut. I don’t know who to disappoint first. I *do* know it isn’t going to be my family, though. They aren’t going to be ignored.
I have to scale back my involvement at church. It’s like my second job.
I have to say “no” to every external creative pursuit. I have enough in my own head, I don’t need to take on other people’s ideas.
I have to exercise 45 minutes a day. If I do this now, it will help with everything else.
I need to scale back my social media presence (even more than I already have). I waste too much time listening to what other people think.
I need to pick 1 creative/work project at a time, and work on just that until it’s finished, or I come to a stopping point.
I need to spend time with my kids- meaningful, non-veg time. Board games and card games are okay. Spending hours grinding in Minecraft probably isn’t.
I need to spend time in Bible study and prayer. This isn’t optional.
Common wisdom says “You can do anything! Keep doing stuff to prove your worth until you collapse!” But my quality of life is suffering. At the end of the day, I’m tired… and busy… and I don’t want to be either. I don’t enjoy being extremely busy.
There is no punchy tagline for this. I’m just tired.